Unfortunately, many aren’t alive to say this. The year of 2020 has been filled with a tremendous amount of chaos, violence, death, and with it, mourning. Even 2021 started with its fair share of chaos and turmoil. Every time I pass the t.v. that’s near the kitchen, all I hear are reports about the alarming amount COVID-19 cases and deaths. When I scroll through my Instagram feed and tap my screen to view Instagram stories, I often find myself viewing information and stories regarding crises in other countries and people who have died as a result of racism and hate crimes. It could have easily been me in the “wrong” place at the wrong time, or a family member of mine who had died from the coronavirus, or me taking my last breath because I didn’t have the resources to survive a natural disaster.
I thank God for life, and health, every single day.
I’m grateful for my loved ones.
My closest friends help keep me sane through their consistent love and support. They listen to me when I excitedly talk about an idea or project that I want to see through and they use much of their brain power to understand me when I’m basically speaking gibberish. They are genuine, loving people who bring me so much joy, which is why I can wholeheartedly say that I have so much love and appreciation for them.
I am also thankful for the challenges I have faced and for my faith.
Though periods of tribulation are trying, I’ve learned something about life and myself during them. They make me stronger. And through it all, God, and the people He has put in my life have been there for me, holding me up in my moments of weakness.
While life isn’t always easy, and some face significantly more difficulties than others, there is always something to be grateful for, whether it’s the fact that you are alive and breathing, have access to food, or are surrounded by love.
It wasn’t something that was easy or happened overnight, but rather took a lot of patience and a lot of time. It was countless days of telling myself that what happened was not completely my fault. It was nights of reminding myself that I am capable of being loved. I am worthy of being loved, even if the words of others suggested otherwise.
It took time for me to understand that trying to find fulfillment in others never end well. People leave, and when they do, I am left with my own self — my self to work on, my self to appreciate, my self to love.
I taught myself how to love again.
Not desperately for I risk not being valued, and not helplessly for I could end up loving someone I never should’ve. I had to teach myself that it’s crucial to know my worth and to respect myself. And the same respect I have for myself is the same respect I deserve from anyone who claims to love me.
I had to truly understand that I must love myself fully, before I try to love another. I had to understand that the only way to know how someone else should love me is if I know how to love myself first.
I found faith within myself again.
Faith, and hope, that the last time will not be like the next because of what has changed in my life and what has changed in me. It will get better because I will not let myself remain on the ground. It won’t be the same experience next time because now I know. I know that the pain I feel is temporary. I know now how to treat myself. I know that if I don’t have hope, and if I do not have faith, then there is nothing to hold on to anymore.
I learned how to love again.
I learned how to love myself again.
I reminded myself to hold on to hope, and to hold on to faith.
And I couldn’t be prouder of who I’ve become.
I suppose that this piece is a different version of the one I posted last week. A friend of mine told me that people are often in the mindset that someone else has to save them. I personally can recall times when someone else has helped me through a difficult situation, but I think it’s important for people to understand that it doesn’t always have to be that way. You don’t always have to wait for the knight in shining armor or someone to dig you out of the hole.
In life, there will (or at least that has been the case for me) be people who help you along the way, but never forget the power that you have in yourself.
You showed me that it goes beyond saying “I love you” and a few kind words, but is demonstrated through actions. You were never condescending to me, nor did you ever mock or belittle me. You uplifted me, constantly encouraging me to try my hardest, and to always recognize how far I’ve come.
You stayed even when I was at my lowest, even when you were upset, even when the situation seemed nearly hopeless. You didn’t leave. Instead, you assured me that you weren’t going anywhere, and you handled each seemingly hopeless situation with diligence.
I don’t have to assume that you love me, I know you do. I see it through your care for me, through your patience, through your loyalty.
You taught me how to love again.
Not recklessly, desperately, or helplessly, but to love and have respect for myself, and to love someone who has respect for me. You reminded me to love fully, but before I do, to know whether or not what, or who, it is that I’m about to love is good for me or is worth it.
“Understand this,” you told me. “When you give your all into something or someone, it will not always be easy. Some days will be significantly more difficult than others. Make sure that who you are loving, and what you put your energy in is not simply draining you or bringing you down.”
I carry those words with me until this very day.
You reminded me to have hope and faith.
You emphasized that the broken heart of mine will not remain the same forever, and that even though it is broken, I am not. You helped me understand that we are all subject to hurt and pain, but we must not dwell on it, but rather grow from it, and to have faith that it will get better.
You taught me love. True love. Pure love.
You reminded me not to neglect faith, and not to neglect hope.
And for that, you will never be forgotten.
This creative writing piece isn’t necessarily about a personal experience of mine, but I do feel that the lessons the character learned from the other are lessons that we should all learn, if it something not known already.
To have love that is pure, I think, is such as beautiful thing. Growth, to me, is also beautiful.
During the interview with Paul Douillon, I learned a lot about who he his and his character, but three things stood out the most: he’s God loving, family oriented, and musically inclined.
GOD
“Initially, my relationship with God was based off of my parent’s relationship with him. It got to a point where I had to make that relationship more personal. I remember at a young age, I was passionate about worshiping and serving God. As I grew older, the passion just doubled, tripled. Around sixteen years old, I went through something pretty intense, and it pushed me further than I have ever been.
Sixteen was one of my hardest years, but my pinnacle was at seventeen because during that year, I had no responsibilities, so I was able to work on my spiritual life. I spent a lot of time reading, studying books of ministers, learning more about the history of the body, and during that year I’ve probably fasted more than I ever did before.
Now, I don’t have as much time to nurture my spiritual life, but I guess you could say that I do it, but not as much as I did when I had less responsibilities. At the same time I realized that during that year [of seventeen], God gave me the time to make such significant investments in my spiritual life, so that I don’t starve out going into my college years.”
FAMILY
“I have a good relationship with my entire family, and that’s mostly because any relationship that will last has to be founded on God.
For example, with my dad, when we go to meetings, and he’s the one driving for hours to get there, I’d be the one to keep him up. One way I would do that is through asking him questions. One thing that we love to talk about is the word of God, we’d break it down, and go over scriptures. I think that us being able to talk throughout the night has formed a very special relationship between me and my dad.
Within all of the great relationships I have with the people in my family is a very cool one with my twin brother. In our nineteen years of living, we have shared a room, and we have never fought over something. When it comes to things we own, we are so neutral with each other, if there is something here, it’s for both of us. Sometimes it’d go like:
‘You wanted to wear it? I was thinking about wearing it, but you can have it.’
‘No, I want you to have it since you wanted to wear it first.’
We would even lie to each other and say ‘I never wanted it,’ so that the other person can have it, but that never works because we know each other well enough to think otherwise.”
From left to right: Angelo, Sashine, Ruth, Antoine, Gina, and Paul Douillon
MUSIC
“I’m passionate about music. I play eight different instruments [trumpet, drums, piano, baritone, flugelhorn, bass guitar, learning guitar and trombone]. I also want to learn how to play the flute, and the saxophone, and maybe the violin. I want to learn at least 10 instruments in total.
I’ve written a few instrumentals, and one day I would love to make an instrumental album with me playing all of the instruments featured in it. Another dream of mine is for one day, the tunes that I make to be played by an orchestra, or even further, have the emotional tunes that I make end up on a movie soundtrack.
The music that I play is an extension of who I am. It’s expressing myself without any words. Sometimes, I’ll have a difficult day, and I don’t want to talk to anyone about it, so I’ll go on my piano, let out my emotions through my fingers, and there comes a song. Music is a way I can express myself quite well to the world, and to myself. Music is also a universal language, it goes past borders. You can put a German, an Australian, an American, a Haitian, and an African in the same room, play the same song, and they will feel the same emotion. I think that’s a beautiful thing.”
Paul founded an organization at his school, Musical Minds, in which members play music at the school and the community, and also teach music to those who would like to learn.
— Paul Douillon, 19, Founder of Musical Minds, College student
Today is Father’s Day, and I always tell you that I love you. But today I’ll tell you why.
We don’t have the closest relationship, but that doesn’t mean everything that you do for this family goes by unnoticed. At age 21 you came to the U.S., and you have been working hard ever since.
I recall the nights as a fifth grader when I’d rush to my room at midnight as you arrived home from work, praying that you wouldn’t figure out that I was awake.
I remember the nights during my freshman year when I’d stay up to finish an assignment and I could hear you getting ready for work from my room.
I remember the dollar you’d give me everyday, and the days when’d you search the car and your pockets for change so that I would have money, just in case I need it.
There are days in which we would barely talk because I felt that you were being unreasonable, or you were mad at me for a mistake I made.
There are days when the only words I say to you are “Good morning, how are you,” and “good night.”
But there are also days when I would go on about a project I’m working on, and urge you to look at the finish product. You would look at it even if you’re tired from a long day at work.
I just want you to know that I appreciate you and how you have contributed to providing for the family.
Inside an Optimist's Mind 