Tag: growth

Friendships

by Rhobie Toussaint, posted in Articles, Feature

It Takes Two: Signs the Friendship Just Isn’t Working

Genuine friendships are golden. There’s nothing like spending quality time with someone you can share laughs with, someone you can converse with, someone you can connect with. But for some friendships, there comes a time in which the relationship is no longer genuine, no longer cherished, or no longer functioning. There are signs, and it’s important that you notice them.

A friendship can evolve overtime, or it can disintegrate. Sometimes, the one thing keeping the bond intact is the shared class, or mutual friend, and when that goes away, so does everything you have to talk about. Losing what you have in common with someone may be the beginning of the end.  

When it becomes increasingly difficult to hold a conversation that goes beyond “hi” and “how are you?” there’s a possibility that the relationship you have with a friend isn’t working anymore. Two people don’t have to speak to each other everyday to remain friends, but when the conversations you do have never have any depth, red flags are raised.   

“You know it’s over when there’s a struggle to even talk to the person and you don’t feel the same bond,” said Abigaelle Barreauny, a student at MLEC.

Sometimes the ending of a friendship occurs because one party isn’t doing their part. Maintaining a relationship is a two way street, and maintaining said friendship won’t work if one person is carrying it. Both sides are suppose benefit from the friendship, not one.

“If you become the person always reaching out, or inviting them somewhere, you’ll eventually feel like you’re bothering them. If they’re always busy or never have time, but everything else says otherwise, the friendship becomes one sided. Having a one-sided friendship is a lot of work.”  

In friendships, it may come to a point where one person outgrows the other. As you try to change for the better, and mature, it is possible that those around you won’t. The person you once called your friend can become the person inhibiting your growth, and does not result in a good, functioning friendship.  

“When someone grows or changes, they can begin to feel as though they don’t fit in or “click” with some people,” said Mariana Plata, a psychologist and mental health writer.

Friends come and go. It happens for different reasons. The only things we can truly do is enjoy the friendships while it lasts, and learn from the experiences.

Okay

by Rhobie Toussaint, posted in Creative Writing

It’s okay

Is what he tells himself everyday

I’m okay

Is what he tells others

It’s okay

Is how he gets through each day

I’m okay

Is all the motivation that he needs

And when he’s not okay

When his world seems to be crumbling down

When everything is going south

When he feels abandoned and alone

I’m okay turns into I’m not okay

But I will be.

 

 

Issues

by Rhobie Toussaint, posted in Experience

Issues — We all have them. Every human being is different, and none of us come without flaws. Somewhere out there is someone who has a pet peeve that you do everyday. And somewhere out there is an individual who does that lying without reason thing, or whatever it is, that you dislike. Just as each and every person on this planet has their share of flaws, they have their set of issues. Our issues are the things we’re constantly battling with, or at least ignoring until we can’t anymore. Whether or not we acknowledge them, they are there, influencing our decisions or lack thereof. Our issues are the things possibly hold us back from being all that we want to be, limiting us from being one of the greatest the world has ever seen. Our issues, which to someone else, makes absolutely no sense, but to the person with the issues, are like annoying flies that keeps buzzing near one’s ear. Basically, our issues hold us down, effect us daily, and can be annoying.

Everyone’s issue is different. For someone, is not being able to let go, especially of the relationship you’re sure you put your heart and soul into. For another, it’s fluctuating insecurities, preventing them from mastering the ‘art’ of self love. Everyone has their issues, their flaws, and things they need to work on. That’s how it is. The first step, I would think, is to acknowledge that. Acknowledge that you are not alone, that the person to the right of you, and the person to the left, are also dealing with their personal issues. That’s a good place to start.

After the acknowledging that everyone has the things their struggling with, one should address what their issue is. Which, believe me, can be difficult. No one wants to tell themselves “yeah, I have commitment issues and am the reason why none of my relationships can truly go anywhere.” It’s legitimately difficult. 

And following with all of the acknowledging is figuring out where these issues stem from, thinking about and realizing what exactly brought you here. Which will no doubt bring memories you don’t want to think about, and half the things you were running from will come into light. There is a reason you were running from them, after all. But I think that this is a necessary step, it is all part of the process.

So,  say one has acknowledged that everyone has issues, acknowledged their issues, and dove deep into their conscious to figure out where they came from, there still an important step left: do something about it. If you don’t take action after all the soul searching, then what was really the point, to say,  “I have commitment issues, and none of my relationships will never work out?” The statement would vary based on the situation, of course. Not only is taking action a vital step, it just might be the hardest. Because (using the commitment issues example again) suddenly learning how to trust is no walk in the park.

Actually working on the issues takes time and dedication. One day, one tiresome, difficult day, you’re probably going to ask yourself, “do I even need to do this?” In the event that happens though, the answer is yes. You do. You owe it to yourself. How you would do this though, would vary on the person. Speaking from personal experience, having friends as my support group and motivators works fine.

With the working with these issues and problems at hand will come growth, and more self love, and that is such a beautiful thing. Five years down the line, the person who has now overcome their commitment issues will be gazing into their spouse’s eyes, thinking, “wow, if this was five years ago, there’s no way I’d be here right now.” Sounds pretty amazing to me.

Another thing to understand is that even after you have worked on your issues, there will still remain a quirk, or maybe a bad habit that’ll never go away. You’ll still have your “imperfections” in your physical features and your personality. Nonetheless, never give up the chance to live, learn, and grow.

Perfection’s overrated anyway.