Tag: Experience

Capstone Part 1: Story of Exile

by Rhobie Toussaint, posted in Writing the Exile Experience

The Concept:

Throughout this course, I have learned a lot about the exile experience and how it is indeed a nuanced and taxing experience that varies for each individual. So for my final project, I wanted to create something that would be meaningful to me and would show the nuance of exile. I also saw this project as an opportunity to explore my Haitian language and culture and how they relate to exile. This song in particular was primarily written to express what I imagine exile can be like, as it is an experience that is different for all who go through it. However, I wanted to add a personal touch to it, which led to the second verse briefly exploring how exile relates to me as a daughter of an immigrant and as someone of Haitian descent. Essentially, this song is the product of reflecting the difficult, painful experience that is called exile. 

The Process:

It took me about 30-45 minutes to write this song, and the melody came to me almost immediately. I remember quickly recording a voice note right before my vocal lesson so I wouldn’t forget how I wanted the song to go. Originally, I wrote the first verse in English and the second verse in Haitian Creole, so I thought that it would be fitting if this song was translated in both languages. Recording the song, however, took a bit longer. On the first day of working on the song with the musicians from my church, we took some time to figure out what music accompaniment would be like. It took several practice runs to figure this out. We recorded our practice runs that Saturday night for reference. About two weeks later, we met up again at the church to practice some more. Since we did not have the drummer present, the pianist used his keyboard to find a beat that could work throughout the song. After a couple hours (about three), we were finally in a good place to record the final version of the song.

Up until last night, this song did not have a title. I was talking to one of the musicians about my dilemma regarding naming the song. As we went over the lyrics together, he said something along the lines of, “you know, the song sound like a story. Maybe you can name it something like ‘the story of ..” This inspired me to title this song, “The Story of Exile.” Everything about this title feels right.

The Product:

Below you will find the lyrics to and the recording of “The Story of Exile.” Now, I am definitely not a professional singer, and the quality of the audio is the best we could do with the equipment at hand. However, what was most important to me was that the product feels authentic. And it does. I hope that you are able to get something from my reflection through the form of a song, imperfections and all ❤

The Story of Exile by Rhobie Toussaint

Piano: Job M.

Bass: Jeffrey L. 

Chorus: 
Oh, oh-oh 
To leave all that you’ve known 
Oh, oh-oh 
Nowhere to call home 
Fighting a fight 
That’s debilitating 
Wondering why 
Everything can’t change 
Oh, oh oh 
It’s sad, but it’s true 
Not everyone can speak their truth 

Verse 1: 
Without
Having to start over 
Running away 
Wondering if they will see another day 
Without 
Sleeping with one eye open 
All these mixed emotions 
Wondering if there’s a better life life there 
for them 

Chorus: 
Oh, oh-oh 
To leave all that you’ve known 
Oh, oh-oh 
Nowhere to call home 
Fighting a fight 
That’s debilitating 
Wondering why 
Everything can’t change 
Oh, oh oh 
It’s sad, but it’s true 
Not everyone can speak their truth 

Verse 2: 
One day my dad told me his road was not easy
And for all he’s done, I should say thank you 
Oh, Oh oh 
I know my people have much strength
My people from Haiti
They did so many things
To have a good life


Chorus: 
Oh, oh-oh 
To leave all that you’ve known 
Oh, oh-oh 
Nowhere to call home 
Fighting a fight 
That’s debilitating 
Wondering why 
Everything can’t change 
Oh, oh oh 
It’s sad, but it’s true 
Not everyone can speak their truth 


Koral: 
O, o-o
Pou kite tout sa ou konnen 
O, o-o
Okenn kote pou rete 
Wa’p goumen 
Li tres difisil 
Ou vle
 tout bagay chanjé 
O, o-o 
Li tris, men se verite
Se pa tout moun ki ka di verite 

Vèsè 1
San yo pa 
Bezwen kòmanse ankò 
Kouri Ale
Yo ap panse si yo ap wè yon lot jou ankò
San yo pa 
Domni avek yon je ouvri 
Yo ap santi anpil bagay
Panse si gen yon bi bon lavi 
Pou  yo 

Koral: 
O, o-o
Pou kite tout sa ou konnen 
O, o-o
Okenn kote pou rete 
Wa’p goumen 
Li tres difisil 
Ou vle tout bagay chanjé 
O, o-o 
Li tris, men se verite
Se pa tout moun ki ka di verite 


Vèsè 2
Yon jou Papa’m te di mwen ke wout li pa’t fasil 
E Pou tout sa li te pase, mwen bezwen di’l mesi 
O, o-o 
Mwen konnen pep mwen gen anpil fos, 
Moun mwen sot Ayiti 
Yon fe anpil bagay
Pou gen yon bon lavi 


Koral: 
O, o-o
Pou kite tout sa ou konnen 
O, o-o
Okenn kote pou rete 
Wa’p goumen 
Li tres difisil 
Ou vle
tout bagay chanjé 
O, o-o 
Li tris, men se verite
Se pa tout moun ki ka di verite

Exile Narrative

by Rhobie Toussaint, posted in Writing the Exile Experience

Exile: A Nuanced, Life-Changing Experience | Reflection Piece by Rhobie Toussaint

For most of my life, I did not think too much about exile. I didn’t take the time to consider what it meant, what that experience was like for people, and all the implications that come with the exile experience. Exile was nothing more than a word I heard here and there, from political candidates, from people I met, and from authors. And perhaps I should have given it a second or third thought, rather than letting the concept go over my head. And I’m sure it would have been useful to use any of those opportunities to figure what living in exile really means. But alas, I didn’t do any of that: until this class. 

Over the past few weeks, I have taken the time to really reflect on what exile is. I have crafted a definition of what I believe is the exile experience. Without knowing much, I believed that the exile experience is one that can be extremely brutal, emotionally taxing, and physically draining. When I thought of exile, I thought of the experience of leaving everything and everyone one has ever known or loved. Through the readings and discussions with my classmates, however, I learned that while my definition of exile was good, there were things about the exile experience that I hadn’t even begun to fathom.

Before reading Czeslaw Milosz’ “Notes on Exile,” I did not think about the assimilation process, and the feeling of being an outsider. His notes also revealed some more factors that made living in exile a mentally taxing experience. Additionally, that same text introduced the idea of how sensitive someone in exile would be when hearing information about their home place/country in the place that they immigrated to. 

 “Literature of nostalgia is only one among many
 modes of coping with estrangement from one’s native land.”

pg. 16-17

After reading this,I considered the fact that there are many mediums that have been used by people to cope with their experience of living in exile. Literature is just one of them.  People may share parts of their experiences through song, art, and oral stories. This makes sense as there are many ways to express oneself. 

Then, as I read the chapters by Edwidge Danticat and Ana Menendez, I started to look at exile through a Caribbean Lens. The stories told in these chapters  resonated with me as I am Haitian. “I Speak Out,” a chapter in Danticat’s book, tells the story of Alèrte Bélance, a Haitian woman who was nearly killed by the 1991 military coup d’état.  Alèrte was left with many bruises, broken bones, severed limbs and trauma. She, along with her family had to flee from Haiti and move to New Jersey for their own safety.  Although she suffered a lot, Alèrte continues to advocate for Haiti and the Haitian people. The following quote by  Alèrte stood out to me: 

“It healed, ’she said, ‘so I can tell my story, so people can know what happened to me.”

pg. 81

In the quote above, “It” referred to  Alèrte’s tongue that had “been cut in half [by the military members who almost killed her] and sewn back together again.” The quote is especially powerful because it shows  Alèrte’s strength, and how she chose to speak out about her experience.  Once again, I was reminded of the nuance that comes with every individual’s exile experience. 

In Menendez’ chapter, titled “Traveling with My Selves,” Menendez explores her experience of grappling with her different identities as she traveled around. For example, throughout her life, Menendez embraced her Cubanidad. However, when she finally visited Cuba at 27 and looked around, she no longer felt like she could identify as Cuba. Menendez describes the experience as follows: 

“Now, Cuba, that country that had previously only existed in my imagination awoke, like a living thing, to rebuke my shallow identity. Suddenly, I had no idea who I was. But I knew I wasn’t Cuban.”

pg. 201

Reading Menendez’ piece made me think about how grappling with multiple (or new) identities can be part of  the exile experience. When someone finds themselves in a new place, it can feel like some things that they resonated with before may no longer apply. I can imagine grappling with different identities can cause a lot of  dissonance. 

Both Danticat and Menendez were able to use the art of storytelling to captivate their audience and share what exile meant to them or people around them. They exemplify what great writing is: finding a way to get your point across while keeping your audience engaged. They masterfully used dialogue, personal narratives, and the experience of others to create an understandable and beautiful piece. They also caused me to reflect more, which leads me to believe that getting your audience to think/consider the ideas you are presenting is also an important tool for a writer. 

Reading pieces written about women who are either from or linked to the Caribbean made me think about if the experience of exile is closer to me than I thought. I considered my own parents, who are immigrants. I thought about the parents of many of my friends who are also immigrants. They weren’t exactly “banned” from Haiti, but it is clear that they needed to leave. Couldn’t that be another form of exile—Feeling forced to leave your home country, your family, and everything you know in hopes that there is a better life for you out there? Feeling like the political state and lack of resources in your home country was so unbearable that you could not fathom the thought of starting your family there? Couldn’t that be an exile experience in and of itself? I personally think yes, it can be. 

That being said, I know that I will never be able to fully understand what it is like to live in exile. However, I am realizing the immense value that comes from taking the time to understand exile as much as possible and broadening my perspective.

Exile is hard. Exile is life changing. Exile is forging new identities. Exile is trying to acclimate. Exile is an experience with ebbs and flows. But it’s also an experience that varies by person, and it’s an experience that can be described in many different ways. 

The exile experience is nuanced,  but it is an experience worth learning about.

Rest Assured

by Rhobie Toussaint, posted in Creative Writing

Rest Assured: Poem by Rhobie

when the stars don’t seem to align,

and the glamour starts to fade

when your world is changing

and you’re losing your grip on everything

when you’re wishing for the best

but it seems to get worse

rest assured

for the stars will align again

and there will be a new light

Your world will make a little more sense

and you’ll learn not to hold on so tight

hope will bring about strength

circumstance will get better

rest assured,

rest assured.

I wrote this piece last weekend after a very long, stressful week. Honestly, this has been such a weird time for me. Overall, I’m doing pretty okay, but there have been so many uncertainties and curveballs lately that I have barely been able to process. For me, this poem is a reminder that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to, even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment.

I hope that this poem can serve as that reminder for you too. Sometimes, life gets really hard. It could be that someone who was in your life for a really long time suddenly isn’t, something you were working on for a long time fails, or you find yourself in some kind of other difficult situation. Understand that all things have a weird way of working out. So during those time I hope you lean on your supporters, your faith, or whatever positive keeps you going. Rest assured- this too shall pass.

With so much love,

Rhobie

‘Til You Try

by Rhobie Toussaint, posted in Experience

What I’ve come to realize is that sometimes, there’s really only one way to find out: trying it.

In all honesty, that was kind of hard for me to accept. I’ve never been a fan of change or going out of my comfort zone. I like the ideas of safety of consistency. I pride myself as someone who doesn’t make rash decisions and as someone who doesn’t have an impulsive spirit. But somewhere in that, I became an individual who didn’t take enough chances. “Going for it” became this weird, unfamiliar concept. Trying out new things became an idea that makes me nervous. However, I had to learn that (surprise, surprise) staying in your comfort zone, in fact, limits you.

How can you be sure that an experience won’t positively impact your life if you don’t try it? Or that it won’t lead to something you learn from? Or that it won’t help you figure out you like and what you dislike? Well, in a lot of cases, you can’t.

I’ll give an example of what I’m talking about. A few weeks ago, I went to a Peruvian restaurant for a holiday luncheon with my coworkers. It should be mentioned that I’m very picky and am not the greatest with trying unfamiliar food. There was a variety of appetizers and entrees. A lot of choices were foods that I’ve never heard of, much less tried. I barely touched the first appetizer that was served because I couldn’t tell what was in the bowl. I ate a lot of tequenos (pastries filled with cheese), and hesitated before eating the empanadas with steak and onions in them.

About twenty minutes into all of this, a former coworker who recently retired joined us at the table. We talked a little and saw my hesitation to try any of the entrees. Then, she said something along the lines of “try it, even if it’s just a little bit. You’re young. You should be trying new things.” I looked at her, then at the food, then at her again, and then at the chicken stew I was about to try. After each entree I tried, she asked how I felt about it. I left the restaurant with a full stomach and happy that I didn’t stare at food the whole time.

Had I avoided trying much of the options like I wanted to, I don’t think I would have enjoyed my time at the luncheon as much as I did. In fact, I’m not sure what I would have gained from that experience. Though the example above is a small one, I think it depicts the difference trying something makes. For me, that luncheon reminded me that some of the best times I’ve ever had stemmed from giving something new a shot.

Don’t get me wrong, trying does not mean you won’t fail. You probably will quite a few times and it will be uncomfortable because that’s a part of life. The beautiful things in life comes with the hardships, but the only way to find out if it worth it is through experience. That experience comes with trying things, even though it’s sometimes easier said than done.

So let this be your reminder to apply for the job, reach out to that person, or resume the passion project or whatever it is that speaks to you.

After all, you’ll never know until you try.

Happy New Year! I thought I’d start off 2022 with a post about trying out new things. It felt fitting enough. Hopefully there was something in my piece that resonated with or encouraged you.

Like I just said, trying something can be easier said than done, especially when there’s outside pressures (or pressure you put on yourself). And while taking a chance has sometimes backfired in my face, there were also times it led me to something amazing.

For the record, this is not your cue to be reckless and do things you know are bad for you. It is, however, a slight nudge for you to get out of your comfort zone (if you haven’t already). This is something that I’m still working on mastering myself so maybe our 2022 can include taking those chances, even when the initial thought of doing such a thing scares us.

Wishing you all the best,

Rhobie ❤

Reflection

by Rhobie Toussaint, posted in Experience

High School Graduation and Summer 2021: A Reflection

On June 2nd, 2021, I graduated High School. It felt kind of surreal, honestly. I made it there a few minutes after the ceremony started (I was supposed to be there one hour before it began), and had to quickly find my way to the other graduates so that I’d make it time for the march (which was, let me tell you, very stressful). So while speeches were being made, I was part listening and part recovering from the stress and the rush that came with being late.

From the handing of the diploma cover, to the picture taking, everything went by so quickly, and then suddenly, without enough time to process it all, I was a high school graduate. I went home that evening, took some more pictures, took all my regalia and graduation stuff off, changed into something else, and just sat there. It was weird.

Then, not even two weeks into my summer break, I attended orientation for my summer job as a camp counselor. Two weeks after that I had already started my summer class. A few weeks into working 40 hours a week and taking a class, I started working on co-founding an organization with a wonderful group of people located in different parts of the country. Needless to say, before I could even let it all sink in, I already immersed myself in other things (which also means this is the first time I’m actually sitting and reflecting about everything).

So here I am, on my bed, typing away and not knowing where this piece is even going. Most of what comes to mind is that two months after graduation, I am quite aware that I’m no longer a high schooler, but I also don’t really feel like an adult either. It’s like I’m in limbo, between what was my life before and life I’m about to live. I don’t really know what’s next, or if I’m even prepared for it, but I’m excited.

Before I close this out, here are a few things that I learned/ realized this summer.

  1. Working with kids after a year of being around little to no people can surely lead to one getting sick. Twice. It was a learning experience though.
  2. Interacting with other people is people is pretty cool. I didn’t realize how much I missed it. However, a lot of interacting in a short period of time can get draining.
  3. Mental health days are important and should be normalized.
  4. Trees are cute. I realized this a long time ago, but I just wanted to put that out there.

That’s all from me.

‘Till next time ❤